never on sale

Less than a week until Jalen is one and the idea of another baby still eludes me. Having another kid might be probable if only I could buy another one just like Jalen. (Umm, excuse me, but do you sell the Jalen in a girl model?) I just read that when your baby reaches one year old, due to lost sleep and the bionic aging influence of babies, you will feel twenty years older. And thanks to a very cranky baby tonight, I have a hard time ignoring that logic right now. But the past year has been priceless. I will probably reflect a lot on the past year in the next few days. Although I haven't forgotten the hardships that got us here, all I can think about are all the great things that have happened. Unfortunately, I have a few extra wrinkles to go with it, but I can't imagine being able to buy anything that would bring as much joy and satisfaction.

louder than words

While driving home today, I was passing back to Jalen some dried banana chips to munch on. Jalen has a tendency to stuff his mouth as quickly and as full as possible. For fear that he'll choke on his food, it's necessary for us to give him his snacks at a slow pace. That's why Jalen started to use his baby sign language on me. He kept signing "more" to me because I just wasn't giving him his chips fast enough. Approaching this whole baby sign thing in a lackadaisical manner, I am quite astonished with Jalen's ability to learn this. With all credit given to Eumi, it actually took very little effort to teach this one sign. Although, for now, I think he associates the sign as a general term for food, milk included. It's still a huge step toward his ability to communicate. When he woke up yesterday morning, I was changing him on his changing pad and he was signaling his "more" sign with me. It was obvious that he was telling me that he wanted his milk. It was a touching moment because it was the first time that he's ever said anything to me in the morning.

laugh but don't laugh

I was watching this show on TV with Deepak Chopra and Mike Myers, and in reference to comedy and mortality, Deepak stated that "confronting your mortality makes us laugh". Ever since Eumi became pregnant with Jalen, all I think about is mortality. Bringing a new life into this world really forces you to think about it. Recently, these thoughts suddenly made me very aware of my age, and I was not laughing.

schooled

We were walking down the street with Jalen in my arms when a schoolyard full of running and screaming children immediately grabbed his attention. We let him down to observe through the fence and he was engrossed by all the action. He continued to watch even as they were lining up to go back inside. Recently, during walks to the park with Melissa, Jalen started to interact with other kids. I'm really happy that he's expressing an interest in socializing. I think teaching or encouraging your kid to socialize can be stressful if he/she has no desire to. It makes me more enthusiastic about putting him in daycare soon. He'll have his walking skills perfected by that time, but it's his continuing desire to put everything in his mouth that worries us. As soon as he stops chewing on everything that he comes in contact with, his drooling butt is outta here! It's a good primer for school, I guess, except you don't get homework. All you do is play all day and you get a two- or three-hour nap in the afternoon. Actually, thinking about it makes me drool too.

goodfella

Jalen is starting to thin out a bit. He's gotten taller in the last few weeks but his weight has remained the same. He's still eating well but feeding him has gotten a little more difficult because of his increased desire to play. He has taken a huge interest in what we eat and his current food addiction is scrambled eggs. I do hope that he will keep most of his mass as he continues to grow and not become like his skinny father. I really love his current proportions. It makes him look like a tough little boy. Actually, it's not just looks--he really is tough. Rarely does he cry anymore from falling or banging his head. One time, he banged his head into the corner of a wall and though he let out an annoyed yell, no crying proceeded. The next day I noticed a black and blue bruise on his head. Ever since then, I've chosen to remain on his good side.

the cheese in sleep

Jalen is such the little explorer. We would be lucky if Jalen would sit still for more than a couple of minutes. He doesn't even like to be held all that much anymore because of his desire to move around. His calmest moments are when he's being rocked to sleep. Soon enough he will learn to fall asleep on his own and I'm really going to miss the rocking. It's probably the only time where he still likes to be snugly held, and it reminds me that he's still a baby. I guess rocking your baby to sleep nowadays would be considered old-fashioned, time-consuming and/or laborious. But I really love helping him with such a basic baby need. The best moment is when their eyes begin to flutter very softly and slowly just as they drift off. It's so peaceful and intimate that only a cheesy analogy can explain--It's like watching the last few seconds before the sun sets into the ocean. Ugh. Anyway, with Jalen growing so fast, his need to be rocked gives me the opportunity to enjoy his melting babyhood just a bit longer.

to make my long story short

One more month to go until the end of this blog. On Jalen's birthday, I will reach my goal of archiving my first year as a father. A lot has changed since I first started this. As Jalen grew into this complex little guy, writing about him became harder as well. I struggled to write about anything the last couple of months. My initial thought was that there wasn't much to write about anymore because Jalen reached a point where his development became somehow repetitive, minimal and the little things he was picking up was not really worth mentioning. For instance, when he developed his pincer grasp which allowed him to pick up Cheerios, or a naptime kick he used to fight dozing off as he's being rocked to sleep. But in reality, at some point, he started to develop so quickly that I didn't know how to write about it all. Plus, things just sort of discreetly creep up on you. Like in this photo, when did he learn to sit like a little boy? Or one day I noticed that his hands got really big. I'll probably miss writing this journal but hopefully Jalen will help keep me busy.