where's baby?

I received this quote in a baby newsletter and I couldn't stop thinking about it. "During games of peekaboo, baby laughs at the question 'Where's baby?' but does not yet appear to grasp its existential significance." I hope they were trying to be silly, otherwise it's just kind of obnoxious. What's funny, though, is that if you tried the same thing on me, I, too, would laugh and fail to understand. But the most important word here is "significance" because this year's end has more meaning to us than any year passed. This is the year that Jalen came to exist. Within a month or so, he will begin walking already. And we will be right behind him, waiting for a chance that he might fall so that we can catch him. This makes us feel significant.

daddy nail technologist

Babies' nails grow like wildfire. Figuring out who, what, when, where and why to cut your baby's nails takes some experimenting. Some babies like it and some won't stay still for even one nail to be cut. Some babies can't be disturbed during their naps which creates a bigger challenge. Jalen has a tendency to grab things in sort of a martial arts tiger-claw style. This has led to a lot of painful scratches and skin pulling. Let me explain Jalen's nail care with the five dubelyoos. Who--I do, because ever since Eumi barely clipped Jalen's finger and drew blood, it's become my new talent. What!!--You've never seen a male nail salon worker before? When--Once a week, usually on Tuesdays with a midweek filing just to keep it fresh. And right after he falls asleep during naptime because he's too active when he's awake. Where--My favorite and usual spot is on his changing pad because he actually likes sleeping on it and I can easily move him over to his crib when we're finished. Why--His tiger-claw style is no joke!

sleep: the final cut?

Jalen's finally got it. He's had it for about a month now. He understands the great pleasure of sleeping through the night. He hasn't perfected it yet, but he's pretty close. Maybe three nights out of a week, he'll wake up looking for his pacifier. He's still very partial to napping during the day with his pacifier, so it's amazing that he does not require it for his nighttime slumber. But something will wake him up in the wee hours now and then, and he'll look for it. This amounts to about a three-minute disruption during his sleep (and mine). Otherwise, on average, it's eleven hours straight. We tried the cry-it-out thing for a couple of weeks at about 4.5 months old, but it didn't work all that well so we kind of scratched it. Then the unlucky task of tending to his numerous night wakings somehow befell mainly upon me. Eventually the task became solely mine when Jalen went through a phase of bedtime separation anxiety with his mother. They say not to exceed the six-month mark when training your baby to sleep through the night because it gets exponentially harder. For that reason, we were feeling pretty screwed when Jalen passed the nine-month mark. Still, we had no choice but to try to let him cry it out again. Well, there was one night of crying for 1.5 hours, then two more nights of under an hour and he somehow figured it out. I definitely noticed the difference in his crying this time around because it was more of a whining, angry, brat type of cry as opposed to a dying Godzilla type of cry. Now that we've entered a friendlier sleeping pattern, I've kind of forgotten the old days. I guess ten months of two to four twenty-minute wakings was not all that bad?

alluding to my delusions

For the next couple of decades, we get to dictate Jalen's life. He has no choice because we created him. Therefore, we own him. Though he is still free to defecate at will, that right will soon be gone as well. Taking advantage of Jalen's infantile indifference makes it easy for us to control him. Ironically though, our goal is to teach Jalen how to confront and defeat this (and any) sort of oppression. We will help him become his own man and take hold of his destiny through our experience, guidance and support. This is the period during which we hope to gain Jalen's adoration and respect. But if we fail, we will only instill fear and indifference. Unlike his adolescent lack of understanding, this indifference would be caused by his complete understanding of us. I utterly fear failing as a parent. Conclusions that I have about my own upbringing continue to vex me. Unfortunately, I stopped smiling for my parents a long time ago. Perhaps my guilt or animosity has me striving to be a better parent. The parent that I always wanted will be the one that I hope to give to Jalen. Soon it will be Jalen's turn to judge us. I just hope that he'll do it with a smile on his face.

time towelled

Jalen wears anything from 18-24 months to 2T (that's T for toddler), depending on the brand of clothing. Of particular concern are his pants, which we now buy at a minimum of 2T because even though the pants are usually too long for him, it's his girth that we have to consider first. At the last checkup, he was in the ninetieth percentile for height and off-the-charts in weight. He's not exactly flabby or mushy, in fact, he's pretty solid. He's very healthy, very active and very big. We don't feed him more than his recommended food amounts but he continues his quest to surpass us in size. We love the fact that Jalen is as huge and strong as he is (I think he could take down Eumi) but when I look at old photos of him, I feel a little jipped on Jalen's early infancy. I miss the days when I could swaddle him up and cradle him in just the palms of my hands. I miss not risking throwing out our backs when we lift him out of the bathtub. I miss the days when he could still fit in a Bjorn and when Eumi could carry Jalen for more than half a block. More than anything though, this is a statement on how fast babies grow. When they say a blink of an eye, it really is.