alluding to my delusions

For the next couple of decades, we get to dictate Jalen's life. He has no choice because we created him. Therefore, we own him. Though he is still free to defecate at will, that right will soon be gone as well. Taking advantage of Jalen's infantile indifference makes it easy for us to control him. Ironically though, our goal is to teach Jalen how to confront and defeat this (and any) sort of oppression. We will help him become his own man and take hold of his destiny through our experience, guidance and support. This is the period during which we hope to gain Jalen's adoration and respect. But if we fail, we will only instill fear and indifference. Unlike his adolescent lack of understanding, this indifference would be caused by his complete understanding of us. I utterly fear failing as a parent. Conclusions that I have about my own upbringing continue to vex me. Unfortunately, I stopped smiling for my parents a long time ago. Perhaps my guilt or animosity has me striving to be a better parent. The parent that I always wanted will be the one that I hope to give to Jalen. Soon it will be Jalen's turn to judge us. I just hope that he'll do it with a smile on his face.